this summer... i think i've learned a lot.... working as an art teacher this week for the varley art gallery was a good experience... I realize that I do care about helping the children to understand, and make them a better artist skill wise... ha yesteraday we learned about line technieques and features on the face... today they tried using the cross hatching i taught them yesteraday and Cameron and Liam did portraits in the morning class for "fun". ok The class i teach is in the afternoon from 1 to 4. and yea... the kids there are amasing. I love them. Even though cameron wouldn't listen in times, hes a good boy . He just needs attention... well but anyhow cameron and liam wants to become an artist... and i want to teach them the best i can so they make that wish of theirs come true *one day*.... today we *kelvin and i* taught cubism by picasso and perspective. I'm quite proud today because some of them even drew more than 1 or 2 drawings. =] for the one point perspective, i know most of them didn't even do it, so i'm proud that they all finished it with th help from us and mainly themselves.... yea tomorrorw they're learning about van gogh and doing their paper mache.

ok these days I've been talking to this guy a lot.... well we started talking like 3 days ago. Neways yea.... I mean hes really nice and all. tries to help me out on certain things, but i don't know, it's weird the kind of feeling I'm having for him. I kinda like him but i know he doesn't like me...... now the first he talked to me, haha he called at like 1 o clock to talk to me on the phone. He tried to make me fall asleep becuz i told him i couldn't because of some scary movie i watched so yea.... and we talked til 4 o clock when we were both so tired haha, we weren't even really talkingg. we're like falling asleep and waking up hahja. It was a nice talk though. After that day, I'm not really scared anymore as much. I think like on the second day i asked him whether i should quite tae kwon do or continue it. I'm so glad i talked to him becuz he told me to continue it. If i quit, then i would regret it. and hes right on that. I would . Now i'm so sure I'm going to continue martial arts. yea.... he called me late but didn't talk as long so yea. called me yesteraday which was nice, i expected him to. Now I'm expecting him to call, blah dunno whether he would call though. He hasn't been talking at all today on msn. blahh o well.

I realized lately how I've been. I've been not like myself. To be truthfully, I don't even know who I really am. I get upset easily. Damn, I just feel horrible today for no good reason. What I learnt in the weekend: I've been acting like a fool. I've been trying to be someone I'm not and in doing so, I lost my identity and trust within myself for myself.... Today, I wore my usual* clothings. The type of clothing i used to wear in grade 9. The tomboy whole look with my blue visor.... I got to know myself more. I got to know whats right and wrong in certain things. There's just so many things pushing against me from all sides, it's so hard to keep up. So hard to keep up with the world.... You try to be someone you're not just to please the world in the outside. I try to look "good", but all I get isn't what I expected. I wanted people to look up to me. I wanted to be strong and show people on how *strong i am .... but I'm really not at all, all that strong. I hate this. I hate it when I'm fighting against myself. I hate this internal and emotional bruising. I'm wasting my energy on being depressed..... I need to be more "happier." whatever that may seem to mean......

I got to find myself. My only way is through art..... My life depends on it... I hope I'm not wrong on that

....... I think I'm falling in love with someone I don't know..... argggg, I just hate this. I always end up liking someone and it turns out I don't like them at all. Its just a crush....., but this guy, he's different from other people I've met.... Alex Hung. He gets into my mind all the time. It drives me nuts. Why can't I stop thinking about him. I keep fantaslizing about him....... I just hate this. I wish this feeling would go away and i will realise that I do not really like this guy and its only just a crush......

For the last two days, I've been talking to him on msn. Yesteraday i talked to him all night. I got to him some things about him, but not as much as I would liked to. He makes it seem like his life is so boring.....

How I know him? I see him around for the whole year. First sem, I see him beside the stairs every day after lunch I see him there seemingly waiting for someone and somehow not. This sem , I see him during my lunch, in the halls. Hes always on my mind. I'm thinking bout him right now.

When I was sent to see Ms Cheung *the social worker*, i was asked to sign this sheet, so when i finished signing it, I checked the rst of the people that also has seen the social worker, I saw jessica tses and alex hung. When i saw him name, i was surprised . Neways i copied his phone number and addresss on my left hand. I ended up calling him three days ago. blah and now after a few talks with him, I'm crazy over this guy. I literally am.